She hangs her head but moves back so that I can open the door.
******
It is only Monday morning and I can’t wait for the week to be over.
I spent most of my Sunday organizing my place, doing some cleaning, and organizing my notes for the week. I didn’t cry. I think I spent all of my tears up earlier in the weekend so that was nice. My heart was heavy all day but I managed to get through it. All I need is time. Right?
Pen is at my desk. “Good morning, Annie. How are you feeling?” Her tone is cautious. She knows how my conversation with Quin went. She is probably expecting tears.
“Good. Just ready to get some work done.” I sit down and ignore her pointed look. “How are you feeling?”
“Good. Got some laundry done this weekend.” She shifts in her seat. Her piercing green eyes are assessing every move I make.
“That’s good. Now, if you don’t mind, I have a lot of emails to get through.”
She gets up and gives me a quick hug. “You got this.”
I smile. “Thank you.”
******
Quin manages to give me space for the first couple of days.
I go back to my old ways of avoiding her and just coming to work to do my job. I don’t talk to anyone besides Pen and keep my head down.
Then Thursday morning I am greeted with Quin waiting for me at my cubicle. Pen is sitting on a chair looking up at her with distrust.
“Good morning, Anne.” Quin smiles.
She is wearing a moss green suit with a mustard shirt. It really works for her. Her hair is up in a bun, her bangs are pulled back by a clip.
“Good morning.” I tell both of them and sit at my desk. My face is heating up. What is she doing here?
“Good morning, Annie.” Pen gets up. “We’ll let you get to work.” She shoos Quin out of my workspace and I look back to shoot her a thankful glance.
******
Friday morning is the same, Pen is sitting on my desk and Quin is standing on the other side.
“Good morning, Anne.” Quin moves out of my way.
“Good morning, Annie.” Pen gets up again. “We’ll let you get back to work.”
“Actually, I need a second alone with Anne.” Quin smiles at Pen.
I nod for Pen to give us some space and she leaves.
“Just call if you need anything.” She tells me.
I startup my computer and start to go through my emails. “How can I help you, Quin?”
She takes Pen’s seat and crosses her legs. She’s wearing her black suit today. “I wanted to invite you out for drinks this evening.”
I look away from my monitor to look at her. I want her to see how much I hate the idea of spending any time alone with her. Deep down, somewhere in the bottom of my heart, I do. I want to go back to the way things were but I can’t. I can’t constantly be competing for Quin against someone who she has shared secrets with.
“No, thank you.” I give her a professional smile. I turn back to my emails.
“Anne,” She lowers her voice and leans in closer to me. “I’m trying to give you space and time but I miss you.”
Her eyes are intense. Their chocolate pools beckon me. “Let me fix things. Let me show you, you are the only girl for me, Anne.”
I shake my head. It is getting hard to breathe.
“Do you need more time? Is that it? I can give you more time and space. I just have to know I still have a chance.”
Will time and space be enough?
“I don’t know.” Will I ever be okay with her and Sage? I just think that requires a level of maturity that I don’t have yet. Is that something I can work on, do I even want to?
My phone rings. I jump to pick it up and turn away from Quin.
She leaves when she realizes my phone conversation will last a while.
******
Three days later I am leaving the office at a good time.
I have been able to focus on my work completely and am really good at using my time efficiently. That is probably the only good thing I have going at the moment. Pen has stopped trying to cheer me up and sticks to filling the silence with pointless conversations. I try to apologize for my mood but she is understanding. I was so close to having something good.
I unlock my car but see someone coming up to me from my peripheral vision.
“You’re a bitch, do you know that?” Sage stops a few feet away from me.
Her eyes and nose are red and she’s having a hard time standing straight.
“Are you okay?” I reach out to steady her but she stumbles away.
I know she is supposed to be off today, what is she doing here? And why is she drunk?
Her blonde hair is in a low ponytail, her pink track suit is wrinkled, and she’s not wearing any makeup.
“Quin is the best thing that could have ever happened to you.” Tears start rolling down her eyes. “You don’t deserve her.”
I notice a couple of coworkers coming out of the double doors and reach out again to steady Sage. “Here, let me give you a ride home.” Something about her tone or her demeanor is different from what I am used to dealing with. Even if she hates me, she shouldn’t risk her job for it.
She allows me to walk her to the passenger side of my car. I open the door and help her get in without hurting her head. She pushes my hands away when I try to put her seatbelt on and she does it herself. I close the door and take a deep breath.
She only talks to give me directions to her place.
I think about what I am doing and why. Sage doesn’t like me, she likes Quin. She has been trying to get together with Quin for a while and I have been avoiding Quin for just as long. She has secrets with Quin, they have shared things about their past together. And yet looking at her now, I see a younger version of myself. Dealing with my emotions is some self-destructive ways that never lead to anything good.
I find a parking spot and get out. She opens the door before I reach her side.
Her eyes are bright and her lower lip trembles.
“I’ll walk you to your apartment.” I offer my arm and to my surprise she takes it. A ride is one thing, her allowing me to see where she lives is another.
The lobby to her place is very fancy. The ceiling is high and has floral patterns on it. The furniture is a rich off-white color that matches the cream walls and low lighting. Do I smell fresh baked donuts? There is a receptionist that looks concerned when she sees Sage.
“Hi Kitty, I’m fine.” Sage gives her an apologetic smile. She lets go of my arm when we get into the elevator.
We get up to the 5th floor and I stay in the elevator when she steps out.
“Would you like to come in?” She points down the hall. Her tears start forming again.
“Sure.” I slowly follow her to her apartment.
Unlike the lobby downstairs, the walls and carpet are a deep blue and green that add another layer of classy. There are plants and small chandeliers covering the halls. This place must cost her a full paycheck. Maybe more, she does make more than me after all.
As soon as we step into her place, I see the turquoise couch that was in the picture on Ricky’s phone. My stomach tightens, this was a mistake.
“I think I should go.” I did my good deed for the day. I don’t think I can do any more.
“I want to talk.” She walks over to her couch and motions for me to sit next to her.
“I don’t think I’m the one you want to talk to.” I try again. I don’t look around her apartment, avoiding anything that can cause me any more pain. If I see a picture of her and Quin anywhere in this apartment, I will lose it. I just know it.
“She really likes you, you know?” She bites on her thumb nail. She looks like a little girl. Insecure and ready to bolt at the first sign of conflict. Nothing like what I am used to seeing. Sage is not insecure, she is confident and beautiful, and ready to face me head-on when it comes to Quin. “We probably like her for the same reasons.”
Against my better judgement I sit on the other end of her couch.
“She said you guys have a lot in common.” I hand on to my keys in a tight grip.
Sage laughs, with no emotion. “That’s one way to put it. I had a rough childhood. Something that I don’t share with a lot of people. Quin is very easy to talk to.”
Although I appreciate her honesty, I don’t want to be the one here comforting her right now. I have my own pain to manage and Sage has not led me to believe she wants my shoulder to lean on. So, what am I doing here?
“I tried everything to get her to pick me.” She looks down at her hands. “I opened up to her, spent a lot of time with her, practically threw myself at her and she rejected me. Not in a mean way, just firmly.” She looks up at me. “She always told me she understood my position. Apparently unrequited love is another thing we have in common.”
I stand up. “Sage, I’m sorry you are going through a rough patch. I really hope you get better, but I need to go.” I didn’t come here to feel guilty about my feelings or the way I have treated Quin.
“Fine, just give her a chance. She is a really good person. And I don’t think I have ever seen anyone more devoted to one person in my life.” She stands and walks me to the door. “I’m sorry for the way I treated you. I can see now that you two were meant for each other.”
“How?” I stand outside her door, gauging to see if she has all of the answers.
“If you showed up drunk at work picking a fight with me, I wouldn’t have done half of what you did.” She at least manages to look embarrassed. “I promise I will stay away from Quin and leave you two alone.”
For some reason that doesn’t make me feel better. “Does she help you, when you think about your past?” If Quin is for Sage what Bobbie is to me, I can’t imagine taking her away from Her. Everyone deserves a Bobbie.
She shrugs. “It’s about time I saw a professional anyways. Maybe with time we’ll both learn how to be around each other under better terms.”
I give her a small wave and walk back to the elevator.
******
I wait until Friday night to text Quin.
It gives me enough time to think about what I want. I want Quin. I want to be with someone who is compassionate, understanding, loyal, and overall caring. She embodies all of that and more. It is a lot of the things I lacked in the past but want in my future. I want to grow emotionally and I can’t imagine doing it with anyone else. She is the one I want.
She calls me instead of texting back.
“Hello?” I’m nervous.
“Anne?” She sounds nervous too.
“Are you doing anything tonight?” I play with the edge of my work book. I’m sitting in the middle of a pile of papers in my living room. I was going to work all night but I decided that I don’t want to wait anymore. I want to see her and spend time with her.
“Did you have something in mind?”
“Would you like to get something to eat?” I offer.
“That would be perfect.” She lets me know about a restaurant near her place and we make arrangements to walk there from her apartment. I have an hour to get ready.
After taking a shower, I rush to my closet and go through different shirts, skirts, dresses, jeans, and shoes. I opt to wear the turtleneck she gave me with one of my nicer jeans and brown boots. I spend some time on my make up and put on lotion, deodorant, and perfume. I need all of the help I can get tonight. I am pretty sure I will sweat it all off by the time I get to her place.
The drive there helps calm some of the nerves. This is what I want, I remind myself.
I text her when I find parking and walk towards her building.
She comes out and my jaw drops. She’s wearing a tight red dress with laced up boots. The dress is short and it hugs her body in all of the right places. She has her hair straight down and her bangs pulled back by a black clip. The closer I get, the more I notice she is wearing light makeup as well.
Her arms wrap around me when I get close enough.
“Hi, Anne.” She breaths against my cheek.
I shiver at her tone and pull back. “Hi, Quin. You look beautiful.” There is no need to hold back. I can’t keep living my life all cautious and afraid of the what-ifs.
She blushes and bites her lip. “I love your shirt.” There is a twinkle in her eye.
We stare at each other for a moment longer and then she motions towards the restaurant down the street. We walk side by side but don’t say anything.
The sun is setting behind us and the street lights are coming on. Quin opens the door for me and I walk in first. It is a small restaurant. There are maybe eight tables in total. The waiting staff greet us as we walk in and one of them comes to motion us towards a table. It is the last one available.
We sit across from each other, a single small candle and a floral centerpiece between us.
“This is very nice.” I lean in to whisper. It is not a fancy restaurant but it is private and quiet. I really like it.
“The food is great. I’ve tried a lot of things on their menu and I am never disappointed.” She is looking up at me from her menu.
I pick my menu up as well but get distracted when I notice she is still looking at me.
“I’m glad you called tonight.” She smiles.
I blush and look down again. Hiding my smile is as easy as hiding my red face.
When the waiter comes by, she orders some foreign beer and I ask for the same. He asks if we’re ready to order and I ask him to order for me. Nothing on the menu makes sense when all I can think about is Quin sitting across from me.
“So, how was your day?” She places her hands under her chin.
Does she know how amazing she looks? Is she aware that her natural beauty is almost hard to stare at for too long? Like staring into the sun.
“Busy.” I smile. “How about yours?”
“Better now.” She reaches a hand across the table, palm up.
I timidly place my hand in hers.
“Your fingers are freezing.” She leans down and rubs her lips against them.
More blood rushes to my head and my eyes widen. I feel the heat of her lips all the way down to my lower belly.
The waiter arrives with our beers. I try to pull my hand out of her grasp but she holds it on top of the table. She winks when I look up at her.
I use my free hand to grab my beer. The crisp coolness against my lips is a welcomed distraction.
“Does this date mean you are giving me a second chance?” She takes a sip of her beer.
I nod. “I’m sorry I ran away…again.”
She turns her head to the side and brushes her thumb across my knuckles. “I’m sorry I didn’t give you the reassurance you needed.” Her eyes melt my heart. “Instead of being defensive about Sage, I should have been more understanding of your position. If Pen put you in the same predicaments Sage did, I don’t know if I would be 100 percent okay with that.”
“I talked to Sage.” I take another sip of my beer. “I think you’re a good friend for keeping her secret and being there for her.”
She nods slightly. “I talk to her too. She said she is going to get some professional help. And I’m happy for her. But just know that I am here for you first. Whatever you need.”
I sigh. “You’re too perfect.”
She laughs. “No, I’m not. I still make mistakes and I don’t always own up to them at first. It has been years of practice. Raising my younger siblings required me to be years more mature than I am.” She smirks.
“What happened to your parents?” Is this what Sage was talking about, they both had messed up childhoods?
“My mother has had substance abuse problems since I was little. Her boyfriends have never been consistent, so it was up to me to take care of the twins and my baby brother.” Her tone is casual but I notice a shift in her mood.
It is my turn to run my thumb against her palm. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
She shrugs. “It’s in the past. My mother turned her life around when I was in high school and she’s taking care of herself now. I’m just happy she did it when I needed it the most. I got to go to college and be a normal student for once.”
I want to ask more about her siblings, her mother, and her home but I don’t want to bring up bad memories for her. Not in a public place like this.
“What made you transfer colleges?” I recall our conversation by the river.
“My mother wanted to move and get away from her old life. She had built a reputation with the neighbors and the community. I thought it was a good idea for a fresh start. She likes it here.”
The waiter arrives with our food and we finally remove our hands from the table to make room. There are two different sushi rolls, fried rice, and ramen soup.
“I don’t know if I will be able to finish all of this.” I lean in to say.
She leans in further. “Don’t worry, I’ll help.” She winks again.
I want to fan myself like a schoolgirl.
******
We walk back to her apartment building after dinner.
True to her word, Quin helped me eat everything on the table. We had a couple of more beers before moving the party back to her place.
“Why didn’t you ever approach me in college?” I look up at her as we get into the elevator.
She presses the button and leans against the wall. “You were too cool for me.” She licks her lips.
I laugh, nervously. Looking at her lips builds my anticipation for what is to come. “No really, why didn’t you? I didn’t hide my sexuality in college. Most of us knew who was openly gay and who wasn’t.”
The elevator dings when we get to her floor.
She opens her door and allows me to walk in first. “I heard stories about you.” She turns on her lights.
I turn around in one quick motion. “People talked about me?” It is hard to believe anyone would have anything to say about me. I blended into the background. I didn’t call attention to myself or hung around people who did. This is news to me.
She nods and takes my hand to lead me to her couch. “Let me get something for us to drink.”
I patiently wait as I hear her rummaging through her kitchen.
She comes back with dark liquor and I wrinkle my nose. “This will probably be my last drink of the night.”
She nods and places it in my hand. She sits close to me and pulls my legs onto her thighs. I shift until I feel comfortable enough to look at her.
“You were the cool, mysterious girl who didn’t want any strings attached and mostly kept to yourself.” Quin watches my reaction.
I want to defend myself. I open my mouth but I don’t know what to say. I did keep things uncomplicated and left emotions out of it. I wanted friends with benefits and nothing more. That made me emotionally unavailable.
“That doesn’t make me cool.” That is the best I can come up with.
She chuckles. “Of course, it does. The less you said the more they wanted to know. The more I wanted to know.” She takes a sip of her drink. “I knew that if I ever attempted to talk to you, I would blow it.”
I push against her shoulder, playfully. “You did not!”
She takes my drink and hers and places it on the coffee table in front of us. She pulls me onto her lap so that I am straddling her.
“Hi.” She whispers against my neck.
I involuntarily lean in. “Hi.” I breathe out.
She looks up at me. “Why is it so hard to believe that half of the girls in college were in love with you?” Her smile is predatory.
“Because…” I lick my lips. It is hard to think when my heated center is pressed against her thighs. “Because I’m me.”
She leans in and kisses me deeply. Her tongue runs against my lower lip and she nibbles on it. I moan into her mouth.
“Do you know how special you are?” She asks against my lips.
I take control of the kiss and stick my warm tongue in her mouth. She groans against my lips. I kiss her with ardent need. She is the special one. I want her. I run my hands down her body and push her breasts up.
“Wait, let’s go to my room.” She uses both hands to pull my face back.
I shake my head. I can’t wait.
With agility that surprises us both, I get up and look down at her.
I remove my shirt, shoes, and pants. I stand in my white lace underwear. Quin watches me with unhidden desire. “Lay down.” I point to the couch.
She smirks. “Yes, ma’am.” She is probably used to taking the lead in the bedroom. And I am sure most of the time she will, but right now I want to take care of her. I want to make her feel good.
I slowly remove her boots, until she is left in her black stockings. “I love these by the way.” I compliment her.
She nods. “I’ll get you some.”
I giggle. “Turn on your side.” I move her hips so she follows my lead.
She turns and uses her elbow to lean up. She is curious. Once I am on my knees next to the couch, I run my hand from her collarbone, to one of her breasts, down her belly, past her hip, and finally to the edge of her dress. She is panting. Gone is her curiosity. She looks eager. I lean in to kiss her deeply until she is the one moaning and clutching my hair.
I move down and lay on my side facing the back of her couch while she faces me. I look up at her as I pull her dress up, revealing her stockings and no underwear. My mouth waters. “You know, you should wear underwear when you’re wearing stockings.” I move closer to her covered pussy and inhale. She smells delicious. I pull her leg over my shoulder and bury my face in between her legs. I lay my head against her other thigh and make myself comfortable.
“Fuck.” She digs her fingers in my hair.
I bring up my hand to run my thumb along her wet stockings. I look for the weak point and use my fingers to rip them open.
I hear her gasp at the sound.
“I’ll get you some new ones.” I smile and lean in to run my wet tongue against her exposed pussy.
“Oh, shit” She thrusts her hips forward and pulls on my hair.
I dig my tongue into her wet folds and allow her to use my face for her pleasure. We find a consistent rhythm that pushes her closer and closer to the edge. My nose dives into her dark curls and I inhale. I can’t believe I waited so long for this. All is right in the world.
I push two fingers into her wet pussy and she moans my name.
She doesn’t last long after that. I flutter my tongue against her clit and pump my fingers at a quicker pace.
“Oh, I’m close.” She warns me.
I suck on her clit and taste her juices as they gush in my mouth and she shouts her release. It is music to my ears. I use my tongue to bring her back down from her high and slow my fingers. I tongue fuck her pussy through her orgasm and only stop when she pulls back.
I lick my lips and scoot up so that I can lay right next to her.
“Anne,” She has this beautiful post-orgasmic glow against her skin. Her cheeks are flushed and her lips are bruised from my kiss.
“Quin,” I smile and lean in to give her another kiss. It has been a long time since I have hooked up with anyone. I can’t think of a better person to share this moment with.
“That was incredible.” She looks at me in wonderment. “They weren’t lying.”
I look at her in confusion.
“The girls from college all said you made them see stars.” She smiles widely.
I cover my face. “Oh my God. They did not.”
She removes my hand and gives me a genuine smile. “I’m just glad I got to experience it at last.”
I laugh. “I wonder what idea you had of me before actually meeting me.”
“Oh, you are definitely the person I thought you were.” She moves up on her elbow and kisses me. “I am lucky you’re letting me see all of you.”
I blush. “I feel like I’m the lucky one. You’re exactly what I need.”
“I think we’re really good for each other.” She brushes my hair aside.
“I know we are.” I lean in and kiss her softly.
She sits up and removes her dress, leaving her stockings on. Her perky breasts are out on display. Her nipples are right on the border of being caramel and light rose. She has a small birthmark on the left one. I brush it, burning it to memory. My hand moves further down and I feel a bump on her skin. I look down and see the scar I saw the first time we met. It is healed, maybe an inch and a half long and a centimeter wide. I touch it again while I look at her face.
“What happened?”
She lays back on the couch and holds my hand in between her own. “One of my mother’s boyfriends got drunk one night.”
The images rush to my head, all too clearly. Images of her being at the mercy of some drunk asshole. Being hurt by them. It is hard for me to hide my discomfort. There is nothing I can do about it now but it feels fresh to me.
“Don’t-” She brings a hand up to brush a tear away from my cheek.
I lean in and hide my face into her palm. The thought of anyone hurting her makes me sick to my stomach. No one deserves to be treated like that. Especially when I think about a younger version of Quin trying to fend for herself.
I sniffle and pull back. “I’m sorry. I just can’t imagine what you had to deal with growing up.”
She pulls me on top of her and I lay my head against her collarbone. I feel bad enough she had to fend for herself and now she is comforting me because I am so weak. My tears fall onto her chest.
She rubs my back and kisses my head. “It’s okay, baby. This was a lifetime ago.” Her voice is tight.
My tears continue to flow. “Where is he?” Murder would be letting him off too easy.
“He’s in jail. Won’t be out for a while.” Her fingers wipe the rest of my tears away.
“I’m sorry.” I shake my head and lift my head to look up at her. It hurts me to know she has been in such a predicament but I have to pull it together. She is okay now. She is with me. I won’t ever hurt her.
She shakes her head. “You have a big heart. It is one of the many reasons I fell for you.”
“I won’t ever hurt you.” I assure her.
She nods. “I know.”
“I care about you too much.” The sincerity of my voice is new to me, but it feels right. It is the truth. She is my favorite person, my only person. I will protect her feelings as best as I can. Just like she was able to get through her troubled past, I can learn to deal with my emotions and give her the support she needs. She has done that and then some for me. I can do it for her.
Her eyes are shining and her smile is soft. “Does that mean you will finally be my girlfriend?”
“Yes.” I don’t hesitate. “And I don’t care who knows. Hell, I want everyone to know.” My newfound confidence is all attributed to being able to call such an amazing person my girlfriend.
She chuckles. “Well, now I can’t wait for Monday morning when I can bring my girlfriend some coffee.”
I bite my lip. “I would like that very much.”
“Just promise you won’t throw it on me just to see me strip.”
I hide my smile. “That is not what happened.”
She digs her nose into my temple and breathes in. “Whatever you say, baby. I got you in the end and that is all that matters.”
I lean my head against her and sigh. “You’re right. Everything we’ve done in life has led us exactly to this moment. Now all we can do is grow closer and make new memories. Starting with tonight.” My smile is playful.
I think about who I am with Quin and I can’t wait to see who I become once she is officially mine for the rest of our lives.
“Take me to bed.” I murmur against her lips.
“Anything for you, Anne.” She kisses me soundly.